pulse before profundity.

Sundays are always my favorite

... but lately I haven’t seemed to find them.

i’ve gotten so wrapped up in the achieving parts of life – working for a paycheck, list-making for the sake of checking off ‘to-do’s, balancing the numbers in my budget – that i’ve lost sight of the essence of this song.

MY song.

maybe Sundays aren’t just for sleep & 'rest,' & maybe [as much as I need that too] rest as i know it is not ever going to be enough to restore my spirit to 'feeling well' again.

maybe sleeping or accomplishing will both leave me weary unless I get down to the ticking:

my heart.

these words that are swirling beneath the check-list path across my mind. i may choose to walk on the surface, but i breathe deeper than that, i’m sure of it.

i am desperate to find my way out of this mess of THINGS

& back into the beautiful, raw chaos of life.

so here goes nothing.

it’s a shame: so many thoughts & roots to more profound understanding have been washed away with the coming & going tides of task. my blog neglect is a symptom of a losing battle, but i'm here to fight back. i could cry for all the perished opportunities over the past year+, but instead i’ll draw in the air & pulse out these keys.

starting again.

NOW&HERE.

beginning with nothing profound, just sincerity. a small choice. a moment in time. a step.
squinting awake to glimpse at the possibilities of a life more full
& less cluttered,
even if less controlled.

Jesus, help me not to be such a Martha.

it's time to stop trying to be good enough
& to start finding my soul.

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"Then He said to them all: 'Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will save it. What good is it for someone to gain the whole world, and yet lose or forfeit their very self?" - Luke 9:23-25

"As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, 'Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!' 'Martha, Martha,' the Lord answered, 'you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed — or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.'" - Luke 10:38-42