in the midst of developing resolution to seek the Lord & allow Him to lead me step by step, i received some strange clarity. i have said to God, "wherever You send me i will go..." plenty of times before, but i definitely did not expect Him to call me to something as simple as what i currently perceive to be my next step. i've given God the go-ahead to send me to Ukraine or wherever - places far more 'extreme,' but i don't know that i expected this place to ever be a part of my puzzle. first, though...
remember that big question i freaked out about a few weeks back - the question of "what do i want?" i didn't voice the concern in text until Christmas day, but it'd been shaking me for a while by then. it was still rattling my brain as i went into my weekend in the Springs/time away with God. as i went to return home, though, a seemingly obvious thought entered my mind.
you don't figure out what you want by sitting around & guessing at it - you go & you do. & in doing so, you figure out what you want or do not want.
by that point, i already had a feeling about where i should go & it made sense that this [will?!?] be a learning/discerning experience. please join me on a nice little tangent now...
experience.
[A] a wise Jim Luebe once said that we young adults should view our twenties through two lenses: the first being a developmental lens (seeking people we can model after & experiences to help shape us) & the second being a lens of risk & faith - that we would risk in order to grow our faith & experience God.
[B] continued wisdom from Preview - "what kind of tools do you think God has in His toolbelt? do you think He uses comfort to change us?" or rather discomfort?
[C] from a discussion at our alumni study - Q: "who knew more about God: Abraham or the pharisees?" A: the pharisees knew ALL about God - they probably had the whole flippin' TORAH full of prophecies memorized! but Abraham, who had no text, KNEW God. Q: "what one thing would you recommend for someone to KNOW God?" A: (responses from the group) trust, humility, the Word, TRUST...
in minitangent-conclusion, i have devoted so much time to knowing God in a textual sense & learning about Him through His Word (which, don't get me wrong, is a good thing), but to know God i must do more than sit around comfortably & read about this Lord of mine who does great things for those who love Him & to bring glory to His name.
...
alright, so to be fair, i will stop being so ambiguous & explain. backtracking a bit: i woke up on Monday morning, December 28th to my own voice in my own head telling me what i wanted - "i'm done with Fort Collins. i want to move to Denver." just a week before, i had literally scoffed at the idea, & yet through my time at Preview, this place was resounding. isn't it funny how we expect God to speak in morse code? yet it's kind of rocking my world that He could be so clear. where a lack of organization might have been a drawback, i actually feel even more encouraged to go knowing the situation of disconnectedness that exists. i have heard of others who are considering a similar move, of housing opportunities, & in all of this, i am more & more reassured & encouraged. i have no time frame. i have no job there yet. i know nothing about details but i look forward to seeing God show up in my life in these ways. whether it's weeks or months, i am excited for this next piece, & in all of the confusion i am simply bursting with hope at the thought. it's not my hope, nor was it even close to my plan & because of that i'm even more encouraged. as for next steps, i'm seeking them & continued/additional reassurances, but i am just plain EXCITED to have a direction! & in the meantime, i'm here & i want to keep a 'seize the day' mentality with regards to everything He has surrounded me with. until then.
seriously? Denver. go figure...
"I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them." - Isaiah 42:16p.s. sorry to be so personal/specific about all of this but since it is a learning process, i hope that this is still beneficial beyond my own verbal processing...
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