but i think i've been rowing.
& this is a sail boat.
that's just foolishness - rowing with this toothpick in this ocean?
stop.
let go...
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i never knew i was such a worrier.
funny how thinking on things can so easily be excused as mere distraction when in reality the heart behind the issue is one that is choosing distrust.
not trust God?
i know better than that. & not just mentally, but from experience: i will proclaim that He is faithful!
yet my actions speak loudest, & when my thought-life is devoted to planning my next step or potential response, i am not walking in that trust.
my plans are a false security.
it's silly, really, that i would seek security where it cannot exist: in my future, where i am not. security lies in my salvation, in the Son of God, who came & died & now sits at the right hand of His Father; His work is finished & my rowing won't affect the safe arrival that is already secured.
in the meantime, i think i have started to rock the boat. God has already provided me so much security! i have a home/space, roommates, & a steady job i love. health & car insurance, peace with most everyone in my life... i could count my blessings forever! & yet without the next step to work towards or figure out, i do not know how to handle the still & the silence. my mind races with questions: what's next? which of these desires do You intend to fill now? later? what happened to that idea i had of what i want? what do i want anymore? what do YOU want?
WHERE ARE WE GOING? because Lord i can't see our next destination...
the waves aren't even crashing!
& yet i am secretly & internally distrusting God in a situation that should not even be challenging my trust. He hasn't changed! these questions have sprung from discontentment & it's all connected, i know. the discontentment leaks in during those moments when my HEART is not fixed on Him, & in those moments comes a quiet whisper in my flesh telling me that He is not working things together for my good. still waters & gentle breezes or even the lack there-of tie in all to easily with the lies of an absent God. are You there?!
BUT HE HAS NOT FORGOTTEN ME.
Lord, teach me to wait with hope & not fear,
confidence & not anxiety. i'm sure You knew what You were doing when You made me & so many women so mentally active, but it's time to shift the emphasis back to conversation with You instead of with myself.
sincerely (& by Your power),
waiting for the wind
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"In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps." - Proverbs 16:9
"Yet the LORD longs to be gracious to you; He rises to show you compassion. For the LORD is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for Him!" - Isaiah 30:18
"Blessed is she who has believed that what the Lord has said to her will be accomplished!" - Luke 1:45
"'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. You will seek Me and find Me when you seek Me with all your heart. I will be found by you,' declares the LORD, 'and will bring you back from captivity. I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you,' declares the LORD, 'and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile.'" - Jeremiah 29:11-14
"In the morning, O LORD, You hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before You and wait in expectation." - Psalm 5:3
"I wait for You, O LORD; You will answer, O Lord my God." - Psalm 38:15
"I wait for the LORD, my soul waits, and in His word I put my hope. My soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen wait for the morning." - Psalm 130:5-6
"Listen to My instruction and be wise; do not ignore it. Blessed is the man who listens to Me, watching daily at My doors, waiting at My doorway. For whoever finds Me finds life and receives favor from the LORD." - Proverbs 8:33-35
"For when You did awesome things that we did not expect, You came down, and the mountains trembled before You. Since ancient times no one has heard, no ear has perceived, no eye has seen any God besides You, who acts on behalf of those who wait for Him." - Isaiah 64:3-4
"Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness. I say to myself, 'The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for Him.'" - Lamentations 3:21-24
"Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in Me." - John 14:1
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