as i progress through this season of my life, the pads of my feet more easily identify a seemingly-unending road beneath them than the innumerable stepping stones i'd like to believe i'm advancing with each stride. am i really moving forward despite the familiarity of each step? i sure hope so, because to believe that i could be running in place might destroy me.
looking back, though, the wisdom i gain in retrospect always makes the hike worth the view. so i will choose to pause & think on those things.
i usually forget that i have these insights tucked away, because i'm not in situations where i can regularly speak them. but every once in a while, heartbreak makes an appearance in the circles of 'my people,' & i have the chance to listen, support, encourage, & sometimes even share from my own lessons.
in the midst of one of my first & greatest heartaches, i cried out to God, pleading that He would make my own pains useful; in my utter helplessness, i asked to be made helpful for someone else. maybe that 'someone else' is merely a future me, but regardless, i should probably garner the lenses i've been graced with.
today, i'd like to expound upon my oft-revisited theory of princes & pawns.
i have come to recognize that gaining understanding in crumby & painful situations such as break-ups is largely dependent upon the ability to accept others for their true roles in our lives. the way i see it, there are princes (or princesses), & there are pawns.
there are those who arrive on the scene to take a leading role, & those whose involvement provides the support to propel us into the next act, where their part retires. hear me out: pawns are not merely pawns in the grand scheme; one person's pawn is another's prince/princess. their value as a human is never in question, but their roles in the lives of another are either transient or enduring. (additional note: all roles are significant! as they each impel us towards God... but that's another conversation.)
it's easy to misidentify pawns as princes. occasionally, i absorb the idea that someone who God has woven into my life for a time is mine to keep, & before i can embrace the reality that they are actually just in my life to move me in a certain direction, my fingers have to be pried apart from a white-knuckled grip. in this way, the majority of my pains have been self-inflicted; i have failed to hold the people in my life with open hands, instead gripping tightly as those who were meant to be there only in passing must be surgically removed from my mind & future. & there we have my own recurring personal hell... so i keep on learning.
i must continue to remind myself that there is a meaning behind the presence of people in my life, but also prevent myself from jumping to conclusions about their specific role in order to prevent unnecessary wounds.
my "princes & pawns" theory requires a few underlying strata. i must recognize (1) a point to this mad journey known as life (2) that is greater than my temporary happiness, (3) a loving God (4) who has my best interest in mind/ favors me, & (5) a benefit to the process, even when i misidentify peoples' roles.
additionally, attempting to rush the reveal of a person as prince or pawn can be as damaging as a pawn-producing self-fulfilling prophecy, or the crippling disappointment i mentioned above... so only use as directed: in retrospect, for furthered understanding & perspective.
so there you have my theory, in all it's flawed limitations. may it birth peace if you are reading this in the rawness of the closing of an act.
"every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end." - Semisonic
let your pawns be pawns, & press on
towards royal revelation, you sons & daughters of the King.
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"Many are the plans in a person's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails." - Proverbs 19:21
"As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts." - Isaiah 55:9
"Therefore judge nothing before the appointed time; wait until the Lord comes. He will bring to light what is hidden in darkness and will expose the motives of the heart. At that time each will receive their praise from God." - 1 Corinthians 4:5
"'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.'" - Jeremiah 29:11
"Look in the scroll of the Lord and read: None of these will be missing, not one will lack her mate. For it is His mouth that has given the order, and His spirit will gather them together. He allots their portions; His hand distributes them by measure. They will possess it forever and dwell there from generation to generation." - Isaiah 34:16-17
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