lessons from a former piece.

n i n e y e a r s

since the greatest "if only" i don't dare to ponder.
the memories of her in my life are so distant that it's impossible to imagine life any differently than it is now.
& i am truly blessed.
so i don't bother going there.
instead, i'll take these words:

"I cried out to God for help; I cried out to God to hear me. When I was in distress, I sought the Lord; at night I stretched out untiring hands and my soul refused to be comforted. I remembered You, O God, and I groaned; I mused, and my spirit grew faint. (Selah) You kept my eyes from closing; I was too troubled to speak. I thought about the former days, the years of long ago; I remembered my songs in the night. My heart mused and my spirit inquired: 'Will the Lord reject forever? Will He never show His favor again? Has His unfailing love vanished forever? Has His promise failed for all time? Has God forgotten to be merciful? Has He in anger withheld His compassion?' (Selah)
Then I thought, 'To this I will appeal: the years of the right hand of the Most High.' I will remember the deeds of the LORD; yes, I will remember Your miracles of long ago. I will meditate on all Your works and consider all Your mighty deeds. Your ways, O God, are holy. What god is so great as our God?
You are the God who performs miracles; You display Your power among the peoples. With Your mighty arm You redeemed Your people, the descendants of Jacob and Joseph... Your path led through the sea, Your way through the mighty waters, though Your footprints were not seen. You led your people like a flock..." - Psalm 77:1-15,19-20

"Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness. I say to myself, 'The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for Him.' The LORD is good to those whose hope is in Him, to the one who seeks Him... For men are not cast off by the Lord forever. Though He brings grief, He will show compassion, so great is His unfailing love. For He does not willingly bring affliction or grief to the children of men." - Lamentations 3:21-25,31-33

"Yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will be joyful in God my Savior. The Sovereign LORD is my strength; He makes my feet like the feet of a deer, He enables me to go on the heights." - Habakuk 3:18-19

there was a little while there where i couldn't bring myself to sing. it hurt too much. but now there remains a more permanent effect:

"You turned my wailing into dancing; You removed my sackcloth and clothed me with JOY, that my heart may sing to You and not be silent. O LORD my God, I will give You thanks forever." - Psalm 30:11-12 [hence, my life verse :]

suffice it to say that the song holds true:

i will testify to LOVE.

(dad, dry your eyes :)